Autism and ADHD Masking

Autism / ADHD Masking

How far do you go to supress your neurodiverse traits in the neurotypical world...?

Neurodiverse people, who I mentor, often tell me they are always in a dilemma: How far they should go to suppress who they naturally are as a neurodiverse person to 'fit in' with their neurotypical peers. It's a balancing act between feeling more comfortable by camouflaging their true autistic / ADHD selves to fit in -- or being true to themselves. But it is not just about being honest or true; the act of masking is mentally very challenging and tiring.

Autism ADHD masking can take the form of suppressing your reactions to sensory overload for example - such as noises that are beyond your control. But to achieve this, the danger can be you cause anxieties to build up within yourself - as you force yourself to appear unphased by a situation that is causing your genuine discomfort. These anxieties might spill over and manifest in ways which are far more noticeable to others than if you were simply honest in the first place and say you are struggling. Planning Ahead is a good idea and work out what your limits and thresholds might be for a given situation? Ask yourself? Do you need to put yourself in this situation? Is there no alternative? Will there be someone there you can trust and contact beforehand to let them know how you might struggle? If the situation is seemingly unavoidable - such as a job interview - unless you ask, you will not know if things can be changed / avoided altogether to minimise the chance of you being overloaded? You will be hopefully surprised how willing people will be to make adjustments. If you are told it's not possible, at least you will be that little bit more prepared what to expect. I have been pleasantly surprised what adjustments people are willing to make (such as in the workplace) - so I would encourage you to at least try asking.

Too Much Masking can have drawbacks, as we've said. There is a fine line between 'fitting in' with daily life and maintaining relationships - and burn out from the exceptional effort this can require. You need to keep a close eye on how it's affecting your mental health. Is it causing your stress, anxiety or depression?

Balance is important. Masking is undoubtedly useful - to a point. But excessive concealing your 'true self' in this ongoing attempt to appear 'normal' can get tiring. Imposter syndrome can result, which might lead to further worries and setbacks. So look at whether you can moderate your exposure to certain situations or people. Embracing your strengths might sometimes require you to evaluate whether you are on the right path in life - whether this be a career, hobbies or relationships etc.... Even if you feel you are on the right path, it doesn't mean you can't deviate from situations rather than tackle every obstacle head on. It is not a weakness to accept differences in yourself from others. Do not over compare yourself - as you are unique. Even people who are similar to you who appear to be coping better in a given situation might be masking themselves (and at what price?).... Embrace guidance and support - but ultimately, the final decision on what is comfortable or not in life - should be what you are happy with.